


A Darker Place

by Eastenra



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, FYI Lex got shot by the police, Idiots in Love, Kara is always there for Lena, Kara is such a sweetheart, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Panic Attacks, SuperCorp, they're in love, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 08:25:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14328495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eastenra/pseuds/Eastenra
Summary: Lena goes through a lot. She knows she does, but when Lex breaks out of prison and yet another list of victims is shoved in her face, she breaks.She knows them all, has to know them all, because her brother did this. Lex did this.OrLena has a panic attack and Kara is there for her, even when she doesn't know what to do.





	A Darker Place

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I found this fic I'd written a little while ago and I thought I'd post it. All mistakes are mine, I might've missed some while proofreading. 
> 
> Just a small warning, if you've ever had panic attacks and reading about them triggers you, I'd advise you not to read this.   
> The things Lena experiences are based on my personal panic attacks, but it might be different for you I've you've ever had one. 
> 
> Anygays, I hope you enjoy!

There are people everywhere. It’s the first thing she noticed, along with the blinding flashes of the cameras going off. There is yelling, a lot of yelling. Reporters are nearly tearing each other down to get to her, her security struggling to hold them back.

“Miss Luthor! What is your reaction to your brother’s escape?” a mic is shoved into her face, along with a camera and a tablet showing the names of the victims. The pictures haunting her nightmares stare back at her, save for the empty eyes she sees whenever she closes her eyes. Their names are displayed underneath the pictures, but Lena doesn’t need to read them to know who is who.

“I- uhm… sorry.” she chokes out, her eyes leaving the tablet. The faces don’t leave, though, they never do.

There’s Ivory Smith, 20 years old, she was visiting her dad in the prison when the explosion happened. Her pretty, long ginger hair is set aflame whenever Lena closes her eyes, her body being slung against the wall in a fatal blow.

And Jackson Davids, he was a dad of four, in prison because he’d stolen food. He was only supposed to be there three nights. He was beaten to death by Lex. Her _brother_. Jackson’s bloodied hands had closed around her neck in one of her nightmares, empty, lifeless eyes looking into her own.

The 37 other victims haunted her just as much, each taking turns in her nightmares. The word “murderer” being chanted in her face every turn she takes, until she wakes up screaming, tears staining her face and the ghost of a hand present around her throat.

She knows them all, _has to_ know them all, because her brother did this. _Lex_ did this.

She pushes through the crowd of reporters, her security almost smothering her in an effort to keep her from being attacked by one of them. It doesn’t take them long to get to the building, but to Lena, it feels like hours. Her heart is racing, sweaty palms being wiped on her dress every few minutes. Oh, how mother would disapprove, she thinks bitterly. _A Luthor doesn’t get nervous._

The sun is setting, and the light reflected by her limo startles her, eyes widening and looking around in fear of being taken away by another crowd of paparazzi.

They’re at her apartment in what feels like 5 minutes but is actually 30. Her doorman lets her up, but she doesn’t greet him with a smile. She’s focused on keeping her breathing steady.

Her apartment is dark when she enters, and instead of turning on the lights like usual, she just kicks off her heels and drops her bag to the floor. There’s barely any light in the room, the faint glow of the moon shining just barely through her dark curtains.

Heading to her bedroom, she traces the familiar walls with her hand to lead the way. There are no pictures on the walls, no art, just bare, light grey walls. ‘This isn’t home’ is what she’d thought when she bought the place, going for image rather than feeling. The Luthor mansion had been filled with expensive pieces of art and artifacts, things that belong in a museum. The Luthor mansion was everything but her home. ‘I don’t have a home.’ was her next thought, the muffled sob that followed only suppressed because she was struggling to breathe.

Her bare foot touches the marble floor of her bathroom, and she flicks the dim light on for a second to brush her teeth, looking in the mirror even though she already knows what she’ll see. Hollow eyes held up by the dark bags underneath them. Her lip is split from chewing on it in the limo, the blood had dried up not that long ago. Her favorite dark red lipstick is worn away, but all together she still looks like herself. And she _hates it._

The toothpaste doesn’t rid her of the vile taste in her mouth no matter how much she brushes and scrubs. She gives up eventually, filling up a glass of water to put on her nightstand for when she wakes up with a sore throat from the screaming.

Her feet drag her down the hall and into her bedroom.

Her bed doesn’t smell like her. It smells like the one in her old room, next to Lex’s, both rooms almost identical, but hers was considerably smaller. The bed is cold and stiff, but Lena knows it’s just her imagination. The mattress is one of the best.

She breathes in a few times, stares up at the ceiling which she can see due to the faint light coming from the bathroom light she forgot to turn off, and suddenly there are eyes watching her; the walls of the big room closing in on her until it suddenly feels like the cupboard her mother used to lock her in when she’d done something “un-Luthor like”.

Her heart’s racing, the hasty sound pounding in her head. She knows she’s hyperventilating, but the extra oxygen means she’s breathing so she doesn’t stop. At least she’s still _breathing._ Unlike Ivory, and Jackson, Theodore, Marie, Reina, Anad…

The names sound hollow, like the eyes that stare back at her whenever she closes her eyes, and suddenly there are black spots in her vision and she doesn’t know how to make them _go away._ Her hands—no, scrap that—her entire _body_ is trembling, but she can’t make it stop, her control over her body slowly slipping away.

She tries reaching for the glass but it slips from her trembling hand and the sound of the glass shatter makes her yelp and choke out a small sob.

There are hurried footsteps in her apartment, and for a second she thinks it’s in her head, but then her bedroom door opens to reveal Kara, fully clad in her Supergirl suit, chest heaving and eyes frantically searching around the room.

“Lena?” Kara’s voice is soft, and her eyes have stopped tracing the room. Lena’s vision is still slightly blurry, and Kara’s voice sounds like she’s underwater. She tries to open her mouth to say something, but the only thing she can let out is a small whimper.

Kara’s moving towards her, but Lena’s body is still trembling, and she just wants everything to _stop._

“Pl-… plea-se” she squeaks out, holding up a wildly shaking hand with perfectly manicured nails. Kara stops in her tracks, instead carefully sitting down on the end of the bed, far away enough from Lena, who’s curled up into a ball and scooted as far away from Kara as she can get without falling off the bed.

“I- I.. Uhm.. I-“ she lets out some sort of annoyed sound, a sound more similar to a whimper than anything. “K-Kara.”

The desperation Kara sees in Lena’s eyes almost makes her reach out again, but she moves just the slightest bit and Lena flinches in a way that has Kara frozen. Because Lena’s terrified… she’s terrified of _her._

Lena flinches. She sees the hurt on Kara’s face, but it doesn’t register in her mind, because Kara’s looking back at her with the same kind of empty eyes that have been haunting her and somehow that’s worse. She can handle strangers with empty, lifeless eyes, but not Kara. Not _her_ Kara.

The first sob that escapes Lena’s lips shakes her entire body, but now that she’s started she can’t stop. She’s still curled up into a small ball that reminds Kara of a scared child, but Lena’s sobbing so much she’s stopped making sounds and is barely breathing, instead gasping for air every time her body lets her.

“Lena? Hey, it’s okay, you’re okay, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” she gets a small, shaky nod from Lena, who scoots just a bit towards Kara, which prompts her to continue. “You need to breathe, though, can you do that for me? Just focus on that.”

There’s a shimmer in Kara’s hollow eyes, and then she’s speaking, and her eyes—her lovely, ocean blue eyes—are back. There’s no hollow look anymore, just Kara, and Lena’s still sobbing but Kara’s there with her and she’s not leaving. She promised.

Lena tries to calm down, she really does, but she’s still sobbing, and her body isn’t _listening._ She glances to Kara again in desperation and reaches out for her, fingers grasping at air in a sad attempt to get her message across.

Kara understands, though, she always does. She doesn’t know why Lena suddenly went from not being unable to get away from her fast enough to wanting her closer, but she doesn’t question it and instead lifts Lena easily into her lap.

Lena’s hands are grabbing at her super suit, sliding off useless due to the tight, smooth fabric. She’s changed in a flash, and Lena’s hands find her soft collar instead. Her head is buried in Kara’s neck, breathing in the comforting smell that is _so_ Kara. A smell she could swear makes her feel at _home._

Lena’s trembling, along with her sobbing, is making the both of them shake, so Kara decides to try a new approach.

“Lena, hey, can you give me your hand?” a small, shaking hand—Kara just now notices how small Lena actually is when she isn’t wearing heels—is put in hers, and she softly directs it under the top part of her sweater, resting right above her heart. Embarrassment be damned, Lena’s well-being is Kara’s top priority. Always. “I want you to focus on my heartbeat, okay? Try to match yours to mine, Lee, I know you can do it.”

She leaves it at that for a few minutes, Lena’s sobs quieting down enough to let her breathe normally after a while. She’s still trembling, clinging to Kara like her life depends on it, but at least she’s breathing.

“Good girl,” Kara smiles a little even though Lena can’t see her, and softly kissing the top of Lena’s head. She feels a shaky breath on her neck, and Lena nuzzles even closer to her.

They sit like that for hours, Kara doesn’t leave because she _promised,_ and Lena needs her. She whispers nonsense to Lena for hours, trying to distract her from whatever got her upset, eventually even softly singing an old Kryptonian she hadn’t sung in more than ten years. Lena’s trembling stops after an hour, her crying after three, and eventually the fog that felt like it was suffocating her lifts away and she can finally breathe properly again.

“K-Kara?” Lena’s voice is hoarse from her sobbing, and it breaks when she tries to talk but she has to talk. She _has to_ apologize. “ ‘m sorry.”

She looks up a little at Kara, because somewhere along the line Kara had gently laid them both down on the bed and Lena had curled up on Kara’s body, head still tucked in the crook of her neck.

The look she receives, however, isn’t what she expected, because Kara looks outright offended that Lena would even _think_ that she has to apologize for having a panic attack.

“No, listen to me Lena, you have nothing, absolutely _nothing,_ to apologize for.” her lip wobbles and before she knows it, she’s crying again, but this time tears are just silently rolling down her cheeks. “Lena, hey, it’s okay, I promise. You’re allowed to be vulnerable.”

Lena nods weakly into Kara’s upper chest before burying her head in the crook of Kara’s neck again. They fit together almost seamlessly, Kara’s arms effortlessly thrown around her.

It ends up taking her no less than ten minutes to fall asleep, the calm, nightmare-less sleep making her feel more awake than she had in a week. Kara’s still there when she wakes up, her mouth slightly agape and softly snoring. Their legs are tangled together, and Lena’s head is still tucked into Kara’s neck.

She doesn’t feel as hopeless anymore with Kara by her side, and maybe that’s all she needs. She can overcome anything with Kara by her side.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment & give kudos! I love seeing all the feedback, even if I don't respond sometimes (I promise I do read every single one of your comments)!
> 
> If you want to chat you can find me on Tumblr @Eastenra, feel free to yell at me about SuperCorp!


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